I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

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ThatDarnMKS
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I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:05 pm

My summer break recently started so I decided to finish the script I'd been chipping away at since January because I saw the Screencraft horror competition deadline was June 30th.

Well, two days and 56 pages later, I finished it bringing it up to a grand total of 96 pages.

It's called "A Bad Night In Talbot"

The horror subgenre is treated as something of a secret in the actual script, though I'm sure advertisements would spoil it were it ever made. I've also blabbed about it a great deal so whatever.

So message me here or shoot me a PM if you wanna read it. I hope to do a quick revision after some feedback so PLEASE let me know if you can read it quickly or not.

I'll still send it regardless because I love y'all feedback but just so I can keep in mind who I should be waiting on hearing from.

Thanks!
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Captain Terror » Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:11 pm

Lay it on me, big daddy!
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:13 pm

Captain Terror wrote:
Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:11 pm
Lay it on me, big daddy!
It hath been laid!
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Melvin Butterworth » Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:25 pm

ThatDarnMKS wrote:
Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:05 pm
My summer break recently started so I decided to finish the script I'd been chipping away at since January because I saw the Screencraft horror competition deadline was June 30th.

Well, two days and 56 pages later, I finished it bringing it up to a grand total of 96 pages.

It's called "A Bad Night In Talbot"

The horror subgenre is treated as something of a secret in the actual script, though I'm sure advertisements would spoil it were it ever made. I've also blabbed about it a great deal so whatever.

So message me here or shoot me a PM if you wanna read it. I hope to do a quick revision after some feedback so PLEASE let me know if you can read it quickly or not.

I'll still send it regardless because I love y'all feedback but just so I can keep in mind who I should be waiting on hearing from.

Thanks!
I didn't have time to get around to the last one, but here I am asking again...
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Popcorn Reviews » Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:31 pm

Gimme
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:35 pm

Links ahoy for Popcorn and Butter!

Just read both, MelButts. I demand expiation!
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Captain Terror » Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:35 pm

ThatDarnMKS wrote:
Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:05 pm
I hope to do a quick revision after some feedback so PLEASE let me know if you can read it quickly or not.
Readin' it right now, homie :up:
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Popcorn Reviews » Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:37 pm

I'll start right after dinner. I should have feedback later tonight.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:39 pm

Thanks, guys! Very much appreciated. I'm hoping it's a quick read with very few lulls in the pacing.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Melvin Butterworth » Mon Jun 03, 2019 11:00 pm

I am curious as to how you are planning to do that opening shot of our poor dog. So, you're doing a tasteful wide shot at a distance with a crack in the background? No character driven reverse shot showing us our late-20's attractive Hispanic woman pulling the trigger (some hint of pathos when she pulls the trigger or a blank stare or would either be giving away too much)? A close up showing us Rex's face being blown to bits (the HARD core "I mean business" intro for the audience)?
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Melvin Butterworth » Mon Jun 03, 2019 11:02 pm

Why an old "well kept" revolver? Why is it too big for her hands? Are you hinting at anything with the gun or is this just the muse speaking to you?
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Mon Jun 03, 2019 11:09 pm

Melvin Butterworth wrote:
Mon Jun 03, 2019 11:02 pm
Why an old "well kept" revolver? Why is it too big for her hands? Are you hinting at anything with the gun or is this just the muse speaking to you?
It's an image I like that carries with it the reinforcement of other themes throughout the picture.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Mon Jun 03, 2019 11:10 pm

Melvin Butterworth wrote:
Mon Jun 03, 2019 11:00 pm
I am curious as to how you are planning to do that opening shot of our poor dog. So, you're doing a tasteful wide shot at a distance with a crack in the background? No character driven reverse shot showing us our late-20's attractive Hispanic woman pulling the trigger (some hint of pathos when she pulls the trigger or a blank stare or would either be giving away too much)? A close up showing us Rex's face being blown to bits (the HARD core "I mean business" intro for the audience)?
Tasteful wide.

When stuff gets graphic, I go into greater detail.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Melvin Butterworth » Mon Jun 03, 2019 11:18 pm

ThatDarnMKS wrote:
Mon Jun 03, 2019 11:09 pm
It's an image I like that carries with it the reinforcement of other themes throughout the picture.
OK.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Popcorn Reviews » Tue Jun 04, 2019 2:01 am

Just submitted my thoughts. Thanks for sending me it.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Tue Jun 04, 2019 3:03 am

Popcorn Reviews wrote:
Tue Jun 04, 2019 2:01 am
Just submitted my thoughts. Thanks for sending me it.
Thanks for reading and giving such great feedback! I was just complaining to my wife about how brutal the wait is after writing something for someone to read it and I didn't expect anything to come back this fast.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Melvin Butterworth » Tue Jun 04, 2019 6:20 am

ThatDarnMKS wrote:
Tue Jun 04, 2019 3:03 am
Thanks for reading and giving such great feedback! I was just complaining to my wife about how brutal the wait is after writing something for someone to read it and I didn't expect anything to come back this fast.
Do you want feedback by PM or in posts with spoiler tags?
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Tue Jun 04, 2019 6:32 am

Melvin Butterworth wrote:
Tue Jun 04, 2019 6:20 am
Do you want feedback by PM or in posts with spoiler tags?
PM, please
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:12 am

Okay, I did a new draft of this bad boy. It's not MAJORLY different but it's got cleaned up, improved dialogue and action, additional background elements, and an extended sequences including a brand new sequence that occupies an important part of the climax.

I think it's finally in fighting shape before I send it off to screencraft.

If you wanted to read it, but hadn't gotten around to it yet and would prefer this draft, let me know.

If you read the last one and just wanna find the new bits, I can shoot it your way too.

Thanks a ton, guys!
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Popcorn Reviews » Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:23 am

I'll read the new version.

Also, best of luck with the competition.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Jinnistan » Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:09 am

I feel bad for not giving any feedback on the last one, but I'd like to read this one as well if you don't mind.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:22 am

Jinnistan wrote:
Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:09 am
I feel bad for not giving any feedback on the last one, but I'd like to read this one as well if you don't mind.
Sent! Did you happen to read the other or will this be a potential first read through?
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Jinnistan » Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:28 am

ThatDarnMKS wrote:
Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:22 am
Sent! Did you happen to read the other or will this be a potential first read through?
Thanks! No I meant the other project, not the first draft of this one. I did read the sci-fi one about the miners.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:31 am

Jinnistan wrote:
Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:28 am
Thanks! No I meant the other project, not the first draft of this one. I did read the sci-fi one about the miners.
Ah! Any general thoughts on it? I suspect it's not quite your bag but I am curious nonetheless
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Captain Terror » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:28 pm

Hit me!
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Tue Jun 25, 2019 9:26 pm

Captain Terror wrote:
Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:28 pm
Hit me!
Hit!
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Jinnistan » Wed Jun 26, 2019 3:23 am

ThatDarnMKS wrote:
Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:31 am
Ah! Any general thoughts on it? I suspect it's not quite your bag but I am curious nonetheless
No, I enjoy distopian sci-fi stuff.

I thought it was good, I just don't have many helpful things to say about it. I'm not a very good screenwriter myself, and the best I can offer is to repeat what I was always being criticized for, which is that a screenplay, especially one you wish to sell, has to be empty enough, devoid of enough details, to invite further artistic development from the production and to avoid setting budgeting requirements. As an old-school writer, my inclination is to flesh out the details as much as possible, but when shopping for screenplays, many filmmakers are turned off by these constraints. Things like settings and furnishings are supposed to be left vague, and it's frowned upon to overly describe character behavior to allow actors room to innovate. That kind of thing. It's very counterintuitive to me.

I got your PM but rather than a pdf, it looks like an image of the cover page. Could you try resending it?
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Thu Jun 27, 2019 12:15 am

Jinnistan wrote:
Wed Jun 26, 2019 3:23 am
No, I enjoy distopian sci-fi stuff.

I thought it was good, I just don't have many helpful things to say about it. I'm not a very good screenwriter myself, and the best I can offer is to repeat what I was always being criticized for, which is that a screenplay, especially one you wish to sell, has to be empty enough, devoid of enough details, to invite further artistic development from the production and to avoid setting budgeting requirements. As an old-school writer, my inclination is to flesh out the details as much as possible, but when shopping for screenplays, many filmmakers are turned off by these constraints. Things like settings and furnishings are supposed to be left vague, and it's frowned upon to overly describe character behavior to allow actors room to innovate. That kind of thing. It's very counterintuitive to me.

I got your PM but rather than a pdf, it looks like an image of the cover page. Could you try resending it?
I read several scripts of dystopian films that influenced it (Alien, Blade Runner, Dredd, Total Recall, etc) and attempted to approximate the level of detail and description they did. There are definitely areas, especially in the beginning, that could likely be parsed down, but I wanted it to have a strong sense of world building, which demands more description than a contemporary drama.

Any thoughts on the story, characters, action, world, etc?
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Jinnistan » Thu Jun 27, 2019 3:26 am

ThatDarnMKS wrote:
Thu Jun 27, 2019 12:15 am
I read several scripts of dystopian films that influenced it (Alien, Blade Runner, Dredd, Total Recall, etc) and attempted to approximate the level of detail and description they did.
I think the Dick stuff isn't relevant because they're adaptations. Dick himself was content to do all of the world-building in his books without worrying about selling a script. It's worth remembering that Alien sat on the shelf for several years before getting the green light.


ThatDarnMKS wrote:
Thu Jun 27, 2019 12:15 am
Any thoughts on the story, characters, action, world, etc?
Not really. I enjoyed it and can see a good film here, but I really don't have anything useful to say other than encouragement. :up:
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Popcorn Reviews » Thu Jun 27, 2019 4:28 am

Just wanted to say that I finished your final draft, and I really enjoyed it. Great work on it!
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Thu Jun 27, 2019 5:41 am

JJ- I think they're relevant in that despite having a book do much of the heavy lifting in terms of world building, they were still very descriptive in the text. Blade Runner is especially specific in ways that differ quite a bit from any description of (my memory of) Androids Dream of Electric Sleep. Glad you liked it overall and thanks for reading!

Popcorn- Awesome and thanks again! Would you say this draft is a noticeable improvement over the previous?
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Popcorn Reviews » Thu Jun 27, 2019 4:21 pm

ThatDarnMKS wrote:
Thu Jun 27, 2019 5:41 am
Popcorn- Awesome and thanks again! Would you say this draft is a noticeable improvement over the previous?
While I didn't notice too many substantial differences, I did pick up on various pieces of dialogue which hinted at the irony involving Sara's mother which you addressed a while back such as this one on page 50:
SARA

Thought I could escape.
BRENNAN

That's close to literal, Dunn.
Abusive ma. Used to beat her and
lock her in a room to preserve her
"purity." Hope you don't mind my
sharing that, Sara. Given the
circumstances.
DUNN

Well look at that irony. You came
here to escape and now you're in
cuffs. That's correct, right,
Brennan?

I see that you chose not to use a flashback/dream to make this point clear, and I'd say you made a good choice not doing so as this line got the point across nicely. I didn't notice this when I read the original script, but since I knew what you had in mind this time, I paid extra close attention to this detail. Overall, good choice here.

Out of curiosity, what was the most major change you made?
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Thu Jun 27, 2019 4:32 pm

Popcorn Reviews wrote:
Thu Jun 27, 2019 4:21 pm
While I didn't notice too many substantial differences, I did pick up on various pieces of dialogue which hinted at the irony involving Sara's mother which you addressed a while back such as this one on page 50:
SARA

Thought I could escape.
BRENNAN

That's close to literal, Dunn.
Abusive ma. Used to beat her and
lock her in a room to preserve her
"purity." Hope you don't mind my
sharing that, Sara. Given the
circumstances.
DUNN

Well look at that irony. You came
here to escape and now you're in
cuffs. That's correct, right,
Brennan?

I see that you chose not to use a flashback/dream to make this point clear, and I'd say you made a good choice not doing so as this line got the point across nicely. I didn't notice this when I read the original script, but since I knew what you had in mind this time, I paid extra close attention to this detail. Overall, good choice here.

Out of curiosity, what was the most major change you made?
While virtually every scene was altered and nearly every conversation tweaked, the biggest single change was...
Sara's escape to the shed during the climax. Originally, she just runs away and managed to get to the shed before he could get her. In this version, she sneaks down the stairs, runs to the car, faces the Lon corpse puppet, shoots out the wolf's eye and calls him by name to make it to the shed.
I also added in a locker for June that would become a recurring visual reminder of their relationship to keep it on the mind's of audiences.

I also re-structured the climax with mini-slug lines like "UPSTAIRS BEDROOM" to keep it reading cleanly.

I just couldn't bring myself to add the flashbacks. I know exactly where I'd put them and what they'd be, but the more I get away from that "bad night" the cheaper the drama feels to me.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Popcorn Reviews » Thu Jun 27, 2019 5:43 pm

ThatDarnMKS wrote:
Thu Jun 27, 2019 4:32 pm
While virtually every scene was altered and nearly every conversation tweaked, the biggest single change was...
Sara's escape to the shed during the climax. Originally, she just runs away and managed to get to the shed before he could get her. In this version, she sneaks down the stairs, runs to the car, faces the Lon corpse puppet, shoots out the wolf's eye and calls him by name to make it to the shed.
I also added in a locker for June that would become a recurring visual reminder of their relationship to keep it on the mind's of audiences.

I also re-structured the climax with mini-slug lines like "UPSTAIRS BEDROOM" to keep it reading cleanly.

I just couldn't bring myself to add the flashbacks. I know exactly where I'd put them and what they'd be, but the more I get away from that "bad night" the cheaper the drama feels to me.
Aye. Good changes you put in there. The extra details with the ending and the locker are a good addition. Also, I agree that conveying the drama through various dialogue choices definitely flows much smoother than flashbacks.

On a side note, I'm probably looking too deep into this, but...
Is the fact that the werewolf's name is David a reference to An American Werewolf in London or is it just a coincidence? I'm curious.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Thu Jun 27, 2019 6:17 pm

Popcorn Reviews wrote:
Thu Jun 27, 2019 5:43 pm
Aye. Good changes you put in there. The extra details with the ending and the locker are a good addition. Also, I agree that conveying the drama through various dialogue choices definitely flows much smoother than flashbacks.

On a side note, I'm probably looking too deep into this, but...
Is the fact that the werewolf's name is David a reference to An American Werewolf in London or is it just a coincidence? I'm curious.
Hehe...
Every single name in the whole thing is from either actors or characters from Werewolf films that I love.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Captain Terror » Thu Jun 27, 2019 8:36 pm

I'll be reading this weekend, by the way
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Thu Jun 27, 2019 9:34 pm

Captain Terror wrote:
Thu Jun 27, 2019 8:36 pm
I'll be reading this weekend, by the way
Excited for your thoughts!
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Sat Jun 29, 2019 5:56 am

Officially submitted to Screencraft. Now we wait!
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Popcorn Reviews » Sat Jun 29, 2019 2:38 pm

Good luck with it.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Captain Terror » Sun Jul 07, 2019 7:37 pm

So what happens now? Is this a contest with one winner? And if your script is "chosen" or "wins" or whatever, are you allowed to participate in the shooting or are they just buying your script?
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Sun Jul 07, 2019 7:44 pm

Captain Terror wrote:
Sun Jul 07, 2019 7:37 pm
So what happens now? Is this a contest with one winner? And if your script is "chosen" or "wins" or whatever, are you allowed to participate in the shooting or are they just buying your script?
There is a winner. You retain the rights, get a cash prize, a lifelong membership to Writer Duet and connections to talent agencies and your script read by industry professionals. People from Blumhouse, Monkey Paw and Ari Aster himself are this year's top judges.

In the pie in the sky dream, I'd love to negotiate a low budget deal to direct the film but I'd willingly sell it to get it under my belt and put the money towards my first Indie, which would then fall back to a previous script I wrote called A Girl With No Name.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Takoma1 » Sun Jul 07, 2019 11:37 pm

ThatDarnMKS wrote:
Sat Jun 29, 2019 5:56 am
Officially submitted to Screencraft. Now we wait!
Congratulations on submitting! For so many creative people, just putting their work out there is such a sticking point!
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Sun Jul 07, 2019 11:48 pm

Takoma1 wrote:
Sun Jul 07, 2019 11:37 pm
Congratulations on submitting! For so many creative people, just putting their work out there is such a sticking point!
I get that way but it's usually with actual shorts that I've made. I'm okay anonymously sending it all over the net but watching it with people or sending it to competitions triggers a ton of anxiety.

Strangely, with scripts, I'm much less touchy. Perhaps it's because it's not a finished project and having issues with what is, even in it's final draft, a rough draft for the film, I don't get as bummed when it doesn't match my hopes.

So, thanks! And whenever you're up to reading it, just let me know. I think the current draft is the script I'm most proud of.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Takoma1 » Mon Jul 08, 2019 2:56 am

ThatDarnMKS wrote:
Sun Jul 07, 2019 11:48 pm
I get that way but it's usually with actual shorts that I've made. I'm okay anonymously sending it all over the net but watching it with people or sending it to competitions triggers a ton of anxiety.

Strangely, with scripts, I'm much less touchy. Perhaps it's because it's not a finished project and having issues with what is, even in it's final draft, a rough draft for the film, I don't get as bummed when it doesn't match my hopes.

So, thanks! And whenever you're up to reading it, just let me know. I think the current draft is the script I'm most proud of.
You can send it my way. I should be able to read it tomorrow night or Tuesday.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:10 am

Takoma1 wrote:
Mon Jul 08, 2019 2:56 am
You can send it my way. I should be able to read it tomorrow night or Tuesday.
Sent!
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Wed Oct 02, 2019 6:22 pm

Made it to the semi-finals in the Screencraft horror competition. Just got word that it didn’t make finalist. Pretty bummed but it’s the furthest I’ve gone in a major competition so I’ll take it as progress.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Captain Terror » Wed Oct 02, 2019 6:30 pm

Bummed that it didn't win, but congrats on making it as far as you did. You mentioned Ari Aster, et al, as judges. Were they reading the scripts at this stage, or only voting on the finalists?
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by ThatDarnMKS » Wed Oct 02, 2019 6:53 pm

Captain Terror wrote:
Wed Oct 02, 2019 6:30 pm
Bummed that it didn't win, but congrats on making it as far as you did. You mentioned Ari Aster, et al, as judges. Were they reading the scripts at this stage, or only voting on the finalists?
Only the finalists, I believe so I fell one rung short of my goal. Bah humbug.
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Popcorn Reviews » Wed Oct 02, 2019 7:27 pm

Sorry you didn't win, but semi-finals are still really good. Out of curiosity, do you know how many scripts were in the competition at the start of it?
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Re: I wrote another script. It's a werewolf horror flick.

Post by Takoma1 » Wed Oct 02, 2019 11:30 pm

ThatDarnMKS wrote:
Wed Oct 02, 2019 6:22 pm
Made it to the semi-finals in the Screencraft horror competition. Just got word that it didn’t make finalist. Pretty bummed but it’s the furthest I’ve gone in a major competition so I’ll take it as progress.
Congratulations!
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