He shaves his head and they have a history of physically abusing each other.

As someone more hapless than yourself, I say try to go for it, as directly as you can will yourself. Ask her to dinner then clarify strongly "for romantic purposes." I'd good at giving advice that I don't follow.

As someone who has never really been on a date before, just say these exact words as if you were ringing the bell of her soul, "I wish to romance you in a restraint, er, restaurant". Autocorrect is in, incorporate that into your mannerisms. Lead up to the Freudian slips, "Be right back, I'm going to go talk to the cock, I mean cook!"

so with this brock rapist dude all over the news all the time, and people like "omg we gotta talk about consent". And then people are like "Good job california teaching consent in schools!", how much is it really about teaching consent, and how much of it is like... not willfully being a dickwad. I don't know about most people, but if I'm infringing or hurting someone's personal space in any way, I back off. Like I get it there are grey areas, especially with alcohol (I think what that brock dude did was clearly not in any grey area), but do we really need to teach people that fucking someone when their asleep is like... not cool? I mean I get it, better to be safe than sorry, but don't you think someone has a bigger problem when the only thing preventing them from fucking someone who can't consent or is like passed out is someone telling them "hey don't fuck passed out chicks, it's bad!", then that person or society itself is basically fucked?

like -- hey, the dude who today is like "I learned that I shouldn't fuck a passed out chick even though I want to" or "I now know I shouldn't fuck a passed out chick because I learned it's considered rape", that person might be... like, just not a good kind of person? I know people can change, people make mistakes, but IDK. Am I nuts for thinking this shit!?

I thought it was common sense you don't have sex with someone who is passed out and cant consent. Like that's taught to you during sex ed. But if they have to keep reiterating that to you then like you said ROuge they might have some problems.

I think that way all of the time. I sincerely do not understand why "the world" does not know any better. My dad has been coaching me regarding this, being a high school principle he's very much in the center of these behaviors developing and I probe him whenever this stuff pops up. Boundaries are established through parenting - you draw the lines which should either be considered or not crossed. Looking at his father's letter you begin to see the lines which were not drawn

Your argument that it should be instinct is correct. This is a basic no. That's trickier because then the nature/nurture line is blurred, but the father should very much be put on blast for his sentiments in creating an environment which would promote this complete lack of better judgement... and I feel that's still an understatement. Watch for the story about his father's history pop up. This will be heavily dissected

Regarding the subjectivity of drug and alcohol use, disassociation is unfortunately a factor. People should be learning lessons from that. Do that stuff responsibly, ffs. Personally, I've blacked out and carried on nights before... It's very frightening waking up and thinking "did I do something?", and it's a shitty feeling that I earned. I've been fortunate in those regards, but one of them led to my third head injury and I've had to own up a lot to that. I've always had problems adhering to my limit, now I have a strict one. My point here is that it wasn't very night and day for me, this was an area I could've used some real talk about. It was more responsive information as opposed to preventative... after the fact when the damage has been done

There is a lot of blame you can place here and I feel most of it would be correct. The frustration is in understanding, coming to terms with, and preventing the nature and nurture of the beast... I feel that's the potent question in art right now. There is a lot of focus on PTSD, general trauma, head injury in sports... the subtext in the horrible tragedies we're subjected to every day.

Witches cast hex on Stanford rapist.

Producing one of my favorite images ever:

That's one way to cure this issue. Instill the fear of witches on the populace. You seriously do not want to fuck with witches

what up Morgana


...

Yeah, I've never bought the argument that we're not educating people enough about consent. Clarity of consent is useful in situations where drugs or alcohol are involved, or if there's any ambiguity, to make sure everyone is on the same level, but that line has nothing to do with rapists like this Stanford guy.

The consent argument is there because people want to issue blame and push for change so they can feel like they're accomplishing something in the wake of incidents like this. By pushing for stricter definitions of consent, they figure we'll have less instances of rape, but most sexual assaults aren't a matter of misunderstanding. Rapists like this guy Brock just don't care about society's moral standards or a woman's dignity. They have decided that they will do what they want regardless of the rules, which they all know. Everyone knows that sleeping with an unconscious woman is a bad thing. That fact is deeply ingrained in our laws and in our culture. But there are some people who don't care about that rule, who will break the rules no matter how clearly we delineate them, and facing that fact is terrifying because it means improving society won't solve the problem, specifically because these acts openly defy our societal norms. People who rail against "rape culture" suffer from the naive believe that we can end rape through social change. We can perhaps improve it, but there will always be reprehensible people who defy our legal and moral standards for their own benefit.

Anyone have any experience with bumble? It seems to basically be tinder except the girl has to send the first message.

The girls seem generally more awesome and put together than on Tinder but that's as far as I got, didn't get any matches

for me bumble wasn't quite as boring as coffee meets bagel but still very much meet-me-at-trendy-rooftop-patio/vocal fry/talk abt job, college, vacations, zzzz (but maybe that's my age and city), but then when I started treating it the same as tinder and getting right to the point it got a lot more fun, I still use tinder because it works faster but prefer bumble for the quality and parity in interest/pursuit, also it's funny to find so many of the same women on both, and it's also very enlightening how terrible most women's first msgs always are when remembering all the shittalk profiles with "don't just msg me 'hey' or 'wassup'"

So I thought she wasn't into me, but it turns out that I'm simply quite, quite stupid

Congrats.

Got my back waxed for the first time today, confirmed I was a masochist pretty early on, pretty awkward pretending to be at least a little uncomfortable when she asked me how I was doing

"Oh, uh, ouch"

I met this guy a few months ago via a dating website, we texted for a bit after meeting IRL back in May then he never got back to me. Last text I got from him was in June.
I had a dream about him three nights ago... it was really vivid and strange.

Today... he texted me... and we're going out again soon.

I think I'm a psychic.

I recently figured out that I like men more than I thought I did so I guess this makes me a utility player now, am I using the right baseball terminology?

I think you're thinking of a switch hitter.

Most of us have to order from the menu, but you can have the entire buffet.

Maybe switching it up at the plate will help your on base percentage.

I have heard that it's much easier to get a hit from the same side of the plate

line drive down the middle

You gotta crowd the plate, be smart and take the walks, and more than anything try to at least put the ball in play to give yourself a chance. Do your research, know their tendencies, and try not to have empty at bats. Also spray it all around the field, don't let the shift limit you.

I might have lost the metaphor somewhere along the way here.

The takeaway here is sports bars are where I'm going to pick up men

So, I messaged someone on okcupid and they messaged me back. The world's smallest victory. Now I need to respond to their response. I have not prepared for this eventuality. Here is what I have so far.



Any notes?

i've gotten laid with worse

actually, only worse

So uh, I let myself get talked into going on basically a blind date. My friend's wife contacted me and said she has a good friend that she thinks would be good for me, and they're going to have us both over to play cards next weekend?

a) I don't know what to think about this. I basically agreed to it because it seemed easier, and I can easily say, "Yeah, it was fun, but I don't see a future there." On the other end.

b) I've had a crush on this other girl for about a year now. There are some signs that we have a lot in common, but we're both socially awkward and neither of us has made a move (she has actually never been in a relationship, she's in her early 20s). We also live an hour apart, which complicates things.

Still, I really feel like me and girl B are on the same level, so I should maybe say something to her about wanting to move beyond a friendship before I pursue anything with girl A (if there is even anything worth pursuing with girl A, which is still unknown at this point).

It's just weird because I feel like I'm betraying a crush by agreeing to this, which I did because it seemed like the path of least resistance.

Just do both. And accept the mystery of the outcome.

Hey at least you all have prospects. I'm going to die alone. Sooner rather than later.

I thought the same thing about two years ago.

It's easier to make moves on football night

Saying I have prospects is like saying anyone could win the lottery.

Is it because you said things like that to them?

Crippling existential despair is 'in' these days

I agree, but that isn't that

Is it the part where I tell them to fuck off?

Nah, that's probably good. I just wait till I'm inside to tell 'em how terrible I am. Like right inside

I updated my OKcupid profile to reflect on my general disinterest towards internet dating and it immediately got two likes and a few visits. People are video games!

I shall spell it out for glorious inspiration of our most existentially challenged members, *ahem*

My self-summary: the 12 people in this world who like me are bots trying to get me to upgrade to A-List

What I’m doing with my life: QUITTING THE INTERNET. Moving out. Being lonely an shit

I’m really good at: Penis puppetry. Memes. Occult practice. Commenting on my privilege

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food: I'm working on them in my secret world

The six things I could never do without:
666
666
666
666
666
666

I spend a lot of time thinking about: Butts. Seriously. I love butts.

On a typical Friday night I am: Thinking about butts

You should message me if: you wanna get anywhere with me. I'm too SPECTRUM PERSONALITY DISORDER to do anything about myself, sorry

I hung out with girl B the last two days, totally hoping this semi-blind date is a failure. This girl seems successful and stuff and I'm barely surviving, so that will probably be enough to make me unattractive to her. Let's hope.

Oh no, that means your attractiveness doubles. Honestly, you will scare her off more if you pretend that everything is alright. Just be, like, totally laid back with it all, it will be really weird

"this guy is high as a fucking kite"

So, apparently, people's okcupid inbox can get full. And then you either wait until they delete some messages or pay $1. I paid one dollar to send a message to a girl.

*updates OKCupid profile*

I forgot to update you guys. Blind date did not go well. "So where do you go to church?" was where it got awkward.

How did you respond to that?

That he purifies himself in the waters of lake minotonka.

Does anyone here know what "confident without being a dick" means?