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 The Sex & Relationship Advice Thread 
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Evil Prevails wrote:

oh no


I think you guys overlook that there is a section of Reddit users that exist outside of the preponderance of creepy, rapey, racist subforums on there.

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Wed Dec 30, 2015 2:31 pm
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I mean if you want feedback on your dating profile and habits from your family and friends on Facebook and in real life, I mean, feel free, I'm sure that won't feel weird at all.

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Wed Dec 30, 2015 2:37 pm
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I think that this whole internet dating thing is very troubling. Very troubling indeed.

It's like a bunch of people breaking down a Diablo game looking for the best character build but instead of Diablo characters it's yourself. Design by committee - report your success, compile it into the database, use that to springboard you and other followers into the next level of it all. Like, wouldn't everyone end up dating the exact same idea of a person again and again until we are all rendered as Adam and Eve if such a system were to take hold as the norm? Everyone ends up playing hammerdin or MF Blizz Sorc or bone nec (sorry) in such a system.

I say these things because I've been struggling with that scene as it is something I need to pay attention to what with the zeitgeist and all and I don't even know where to begin. The idea of messaging twenty people at a time for romantic procedure sounds absurd to me, especially if there gets to be any overlapping. And having that excuse of an online dating profile encourages the above mentality, and not just saying you but tons of people who I know which talk about this stuff as if it is science class


Wed Dec 30, 2015 2:56 pm
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I don't think it's so much putting points into an ideal build until you're Appealing Guy McDatable as it is just becoming a better communicator of the person you are and finding people who are into your weird self. I don't think I come across online as unlike the weirdo I truly am, but I have learned to better communicate my good qualities and I think that feeds back into having a better sense of self worth, which we all are in desperate need of, because who wants to become involved with someone who doesn't have confidence in who they themselves are? It's more important than the volume of messages you send honestly, because your odds for catching the eye of someone who you can vibe with just goes up. And it's just a dumb intermediary for connecting with people, and I've spent enough of my fucking life not connecting with people.

Anyway. I guess I'll just go back to jerking off and crying because I'm so alone now.

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Wed Dec 30, 2015 3:34 pm
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Neclord wrote:
I don't think it's so much putting points into an ideal build until you're Appealing Guy McDatable as it is just becoming a better communicator of the person you are and finding people who are into your weird self. I don't think I come across online as unlike the weirdo I truly am, but I have learned to better communicate my good qualities and I think that feeds back into having a better sense of self worth, which we all are in desperate need of, because who wants to become involved with someone who doesn't have confidence in who they themselves are? It's more important than the volume of messages you send honestly, because your odds for catching the eye of someone who you can vibe with just goes up. And it's just a dumb intermediary for connecting with people, and I've spent enough of my fucking life not connecting with people.

Anyway. I guess I'll just go back to jerking off and crying because I'm so alone now.
Thanks for the response, I think I understand. Think of me right now as in that place where I'm wondering just how the hell I'm supposed to adult. You've got good points there and sorry if I came across as too testy.


Wed Dec 30, 2015 3:38 pm
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Eh I'm probably the testy one here, and trust me I don't know how to adult well myself. We're all just trying not to fall off of this bizarre spinning orb.

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Wed Dec 30, 2015 3:54 pm
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The thing is - online dating is a numbers game, especially for dudes.

If I set up an online profile, and literally have NO photo and NO description on Okcupid - in a medium sized city, within 24 hours I will have at least 50 messages. If I have a photo and any description, that number will be tripled or more. It is not a reflection on you that you're not getting a response, it's the fact that other people have the numbers on their side and most women have learned not responding at all is a much safer option than trying. You have to stand out and get lucky to wade through - and not take it personally. I know this is difficult to understand since I've tried to help friends with their online dating, because a lot of guys are getting hung up on girls who are "perfect" before even sending a message. Keep it short and simple, and send a lot of messages. My fiancee and I did an experiment a while ago, where he used all the okcupid publically available stats (they explain what kind of answers get the best responses, even something silly like hey versus hello results in different number of responses) and tried to craft a profile around that. I'd say he sent about 500 messages using that, while also utilizing the rating and the questions. He maybe got 50-75 responses, period. More dropped off after first reply.

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Thu Dec 31, 2015 4:27 am
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Fuck. That is very troubling, very troubling.

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Thu Dec 31, 2015 4:46 am
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Yeah, I don't even bother messaging girls. I let them find me. I don't get messages very often, but the ones I get are more fruitful than me wasting my time sending out dozens of unanswered messages.

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Thu Dec 31, 2015 5:48 am
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I'm a weird outlier as I tend to mostly meet people who've messaged me first, but that didn't really happen until I put some effort into making myself, like, desirable.

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Thu Dec 31, 2015 5:59 am
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Neclord wrote:
I'm a weird outlier as I tend to mostly meet people who've messaged me first, but that didn't really happen until I put some effort into making myself, like, desirable.

To clarify, is it a good idea to talk about pokemon in my profile or not?


Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:00 am
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Obscure wrote:
To clarify, is it a good idea to talk about pokemon in my profile or not?


Only if you word it as "I'm looking for the special trainer who's gotta catch my heart."

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Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:15 am
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I'd like to try Bumble but I currently don't have a device that supports it

I think I'm just gonna do whatever the fuck I like with my profile now. As it is, it's pretty harmless and not at all who I am which really bothers me. Don't know what I can do about my pictures, I don't really have photogenic hobbies and I don't get out and socialize a whole lot either. Selfies, especially shirtless ones, seem to be highly discouraged so I can't impress anyone with my manscaping. So, I don't know.

Obscure wrote:
To clarify, is it a good idea to talk about pokemon in my profile or not?

Only if it's about how many grand masterships you've acquired across each game

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Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:15 am
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Porn site boards are really the only place to meet worthwhile women.


Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:16 am
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manscaping?


Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:22 am
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The latest in personal hygiene

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Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:23 am
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The Last Baron wrote:
The latest in personal hygiene
This avatar is a powerful allusion to the quality of my hair. I use tools on my face along with witch hazel and caffeine liquid for puffy eyes

Manscaping... I require elaboration if you may


Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:28 am
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The Nameless One wrote:
This avatar is a powerful allusion to the quality of my hair. I use tools on my face along with witch hazel and caffeine liquid for puffy eyes

Manscaping... I require elaboration if you may

You mean trimming the hedges?


Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:37 am
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The Nameless One wrote:
This avatar is a powerful allusion to the quality of my hair. I use tools on my face along with witch hazel and caffeine liquid for puffy eyes

Manscaping... I require elaboration if you may

Basically it's just trimming body hair to achieve an aesthetically pleasing look, if such a thing is possible. Things like giving your chest and belly hair a fade as you get down to the waist.

The internet told me at one point that this is an actual thing people do

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Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:40 am
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The Last Baron wrote:
Things like giving your chest and belly hair a fade as you get down to the waist.

The internet told me at one point that this is an actual thing people do
OH MY FUC*covers hand over mouth... screams in it*


Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:43 am
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Neclord wrote:

Only if you word it as "I'm looking for the special trainer who's gotta catch my heart."

The Last Baron wrote:
Only if it's about how many grand masterships you've acquired across each game


These are the smoothest posts I've ever seen.


Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:57 am
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Neclord wrote:
I'm a weird outlier as I tend to mostly meet people who've messaged me first, but that didn't really happen until I put some effort into making myself, like, desirable.

I've only ever met guys from okcupid who I have messaged first. The site has a nice balance of personal information spaces- details and question data - that gives me enough of a feel for the individual before you even have to consider meeting them. Tinder and Bumble do not and I think this is why I have met more men via OKC.


Fri Jan 01, 2016 12:52 pm
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So um, kind of had a four-way on New Year's Eve

Still trying to process it

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Sat Jan 02, 2016 6:46 am
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Four way? Wouldn't that just be considered swinging?


Sat Jan 02, 2016 7:34 am
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Ace wrote:
Four way? Wouldn't that just be considered swinging?

You could call it that, yeah

It was kind of unexpected, but fun

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Sat Jan 02, 2016 7:50 am
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Last night, I went on a date with an awesome british guy with loads of energry, who hates Drive but loves onion rings and The Force Awakens <3
Despite the Drive hate... pretty much the best date ever. He made me laugh and smile so much my face hurt after.


Thu Jan 07, 2016 1:09 pm
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Maybe he hates drive cuz of Ryan Gosling haha.


Thu Jan 07, 2016 1:20 pm
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Ace wrote:
Maybe he hates drive cuz of Ryan Gosling haha.

hey girl


Thu Jan 07, 2016 1:24 pm
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LadyStranger wrote:
Last night, I went on a date with an awesome british guy with loads of energry, who hates Drive but loves onion rings and The Force Awakens <3
Despite the Drive hate... pretty much the best date ever. He made me laugh and smile so much my face hurt after.

awww this makes me happy

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Everything around me is evaporating. My whole life, my memories, my imagination and its contents, my personality - it's all evaporating. I continuously feel that I was someone else, that I felt something else, that I thought something else. What I'm attending here is a show with another set. And the show I'm attending is myself. Fernando Pessoa

Live. Laugh. Love. - Freddy Krueger


Thu Jan 07, 2016 1:24 pm
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my face hurts if i smile at all


Thu Jan 07, 2016 1:25 pm
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Wait--people go on actual physical "dates" still? I thought it was all just Skypeing and fapping now... :?


Thu Jan 07, 2016 1:25 pm
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go mallory, go go go mallory

I had a date with a cool girl last night who told me some places to check out in NYC and let me kiss her and it was just really cool.

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Thu Jan 07, 2016 2:37 pm
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Guys, Neclord is kissing too many girls. We need to have an intervention.


Fri Jan 08, 2016 12:02 pm
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I'm not kissing ENOUGH

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Fri Jan 08, 2016 1:13 pm
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I love spam sometimes.

"InstaBangMsg: Do you want to spemd [sic] YOUR NIGHT with Erminie M. Macauley?"

Yeah, because nothing gets me harder than some chick named Erminie.

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Tue Jan 12, 2016 2:29 pm
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ugh british guy doesn't want a relationship. nope.


Thu Jan 14, 2016 2:19 pm
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I am feeling a bit torn between the super cool girl who seems to be the monogamous type and the aromantic poly girl who wants me to visit her in Seattle and have sex with her and her roommate. Weird times

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Thu Jan 14, 2016 2:53 pm
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Neclord wrote:
I am feeling a bit torn between the super cool girl who seems to be the monogamous type and the aromantic poly girl who wants me to visit her in Seattle and have sex with her and her roommate. Weird times

Do the second two first and then go be monogamous until she changes her mind.

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"So, you see, he was condemned to walk in darkness a quadrillion kilometres (we've adopted the metric system, you know)..."
██████████████████████████████████████████The Devil, The Brothers Karamazov


Thu Jan 14, 2016 2:55 pm
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do what makes you happy.


Thu Jan 14, 2016 2:59 pm
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Do what must be done.

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"So, you see, he was condemned to walk in darkness a quadrillion kilometres (we've adopted the metric system, you know)..."
██████████████████████████████████████████The Devil, The Brothers Karamazov


Thu Jan 14, 2016 3:06 pm
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Quite-Gone Genie wrote:
Do what must be done.

See Genie is trying to Jedi mind trick into "I will finish what you started" aka have copious amounts of sex.


Thu Jan 14, 2016 3:32 pm
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OMG I'm going to shoot myself.

I'm helping this friend of mine (who is really fiances friend) to put together a poker room thing. I hooked him up with a vintage poker table and I arranged to purchase some folding chairs for him on the cheap.

Fiance had to work this morning from 4am - 9am. I agreed that he would call me when he was on his way back and I would be ready. I accidentaly left my ringer off and I didn't hear the call. He showed up at home, I said 'okay I'll be dressed in 5 minutes' and he says, 'no we're not going'

I was not particularly attached to going. It's not my thing, it's a FAVOUR TO HIS FRIEND. I wasn't upset, I didn't insist we go, I simply said 'okay, I'll work something else out'

but instead of leaving it t I had to endure about half an hour of fiance manically discussing this thing I don't care about. Talking really loudly and carrying on like a nut case. We both fall asleep again, wake up and he starts all over.

He often acts insane when he has to work that early because he finds it really stressful but holy fuck I'm ripping my hair out over here because he insists we keep talking about it!!!

I DON"T CARE


Sat Jan 23, 2016 3:05 am
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*sees online dating conversation above*

*is triggered*

I've straight given up. It's actually a refreshing feeling. I recommend it as a stress-free alternative.


Wed Jan 27, 2016 2:00 pm
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Sex > no sex

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Thu Jan 28, 2016 3:09 am
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Neclord wrote:
Sex > no sex


Keep rubbing it in Casanova.


Thu Jan 28, 2016 5:30 am
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Neclord wrote:
Sex > no sex

agreed

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Everything around me is evaporating. My whole life, my memories, my imagination and its contents, my personality - it's all evaporating. I continuously feel that I was someone else, that I felt something else, that I thought something else. What I'm attending here is a show with another set. And the show I'm attending is myself. Fernando Pessoa

Live. Laugh. Love. - Freddy Krueger


Thu Jan 28, 2016 10:51 am
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Where does cybersex fit in that equation?


Thu Jan 28, 2016 1:23 pm
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So I've started swiping based on first impressions because anything more involved is a waste of time, I've added what I think are better photos, had some fun with the wording of my profile, and now I'm getting zero matches despite the much higher number of people I'm swiping on.

I can't win. Maybe this is punishment for being an accidental asshole to the last girl I matched with.

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Sat Jan 30, 2016 11:44 am
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Better than being an accidental racist.


Sat Jan 30, 2016 12:01 pm
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Gladimeir15 wrote:
In my insights, I think internet dating gives more benefits to the people who do not want to mingle in personal publicly. They just want to see girls on internet and try their luck of love out there. :)


*whips out notepad*

MORE

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